life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
