I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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