Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I FOUND THE LEGS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
