Already got asked if we're dating
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
