just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
