is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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