Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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