you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
