Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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