Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
