I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
