You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Operation Purity has been aborted
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize