uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
