but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
