I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
