Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
