I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
