I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
