I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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