with your own penis?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
