I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
