Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
