remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
