I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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