So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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