Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
