Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
