I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
