you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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