Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
