4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
