I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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