so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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