u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
