Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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