Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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