I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
