so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
