My room smells like vodka and shame
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
