yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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