Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
