It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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