I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
