This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
