we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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