I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize