Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
