i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
