How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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