I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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