Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
