Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
