When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
