Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
