Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
