I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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