i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
