I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
