He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize