was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
