you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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