y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
