you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
