Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
